What if?
Embarking on a journey often means navigating unexpected twists and turns, and mine began with a job relocation in 2016 that led me down a path I never anticipated. The path to being a parent.
What if?
Growing up and finding a partner, I never felt the drive to become a parent. I thought I was satisfied doing life with my partner, dogs, and cat. After our move to a new state for a job opportunity, I began to experience some breast pain and discharge. As a person in their late twenties, I initially dismissed it. When the pain did not get better, I finally made an appointment with the doctor to discuss my concerns.
Of course, one of the first questions out of the doctor's mouth was, "Could you possibly be pregnant?" At this point in our relationship, my husband and I were content being pet parents with no children. I was decent at remembering to take my medications including birth control pills and laughed off the question. "Of course not!" I replied. In the back of my mind; however, I started to have doubts.
What if?
The doctor quickly referred me to a breast specialist after their evaluation. I had a breast ultrasound appointment scheduled for the same week. The uncertainty and fear that accompanied those moments of waiting for answers were profound.
What if?
Between the doctor's appointment and the ultrasound appointment, I kept having that thought, "What if?"
I finally broached the conversation with my husband. "What if I am pregnant? What does that mean for our family? What if I am not pregnant?"
Following a negative pregnancy test, I underwent the breast ultrasound. We received some good news. My pain appeared to be related to cysts, with no clinical concerns.
We had our answers, no clinical concerns with my breast and I was not pregnant. I was happy there were no ultrasound findings, but unexpectedly felt disappointed as well. I realized a small part of me hoped I was pregnant. What a strange thought and feeling for someone who was so set on never having children.
What if?
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